And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Randomize
