You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
