Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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