So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
