don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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