I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
