im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
