Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
