just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i think my cat just said my name.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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