I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
