the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
