New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
