Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
