We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
