I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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