the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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