YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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