I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
