I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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