No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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