everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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