Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
