I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
