FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
