Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
