a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
