yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
