No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
