a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
