Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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