i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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