they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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