im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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