I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
