You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
where are my eyebrows?
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