thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
