So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
