Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could teleport
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
