So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
