Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
