You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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