At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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