Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
