she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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