So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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