Can Purell be used as lube?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
