I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
