Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
