goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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