Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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