ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
