Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
