you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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