He kissed a someone with a penis
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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