Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
