all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
