We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
