Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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