Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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