I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
