i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
