dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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