Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
