My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
