Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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