Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
