so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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