I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
