and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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