having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
